Faith2

"Keep looking unto Jesus, offering up silent prayers in faith, taking hold of His strength, whether you have any manifest feeling or not. Go right forward as if every prayer offered was lodged in the throne of God and responded to by the One whose promises never fail. Go right along, singing and making melody to God in your hearts, even when depressed by a sense of weight and sadness. I tell you as one who knows, light will come, joy will be ours, and the mists and clouds will be rolled back. And we pass from the oppressive power of the shadow and darkness into the clear sunshine of His presence." —Lt 7, 1892. (Selected Messages 2:242, 243.) – 2MCP 538.1

Does anyone else out there have a clue how hard this is?

For me, it is utter conflict. The war inside me between what I feel and see and what is easiest for me, against what I know and want and what He desires of me, is like a constant roller-coaster. One second I'm resting peacefully in His arms, and the next I'm clawing for a handhold like a drowning cat. The peace and joy I have when surrendered and walking by faith is beyond words, but I find that the line between that peace and joy and self reliance is a fine one. 


This is a poem-y song thing that I wrote with those thoughts in mind... (keep in mind that it is a little dramatic/metaphorical sometimes)

Lord, I can't even think about tomorrow.

My world is too heavy for me.

Didn't You lead me into this valley?

Don't leave me! Please carry my sorrow.

I can't walk any further in my own strength,

But I don't know how to let You pick me up.

No, I don't know how You can pick me up...

I can't let go; I don't know how.

I'm an over-achiever, a straight A student,

I'm a musician and a morning person;

I'm disciplined.

But all the discipline in the world can't grant me joy in the life You've given, 

Can't change me into the person You want me to be, 

Can't make my life worth living.

Haven't I surrendered before?

What are You doing to me?

Why do You make my heart hurt so bad?

Can't You see all the things I've done for You!

And as I turn my head to show You

All around are filthy rags.

Yes, all around are filthy rags...

And that is why my heart hurts,

It's why life's not worth living.

All my plans are out of control

It looks like the devil's winning. 

And all the good my effort has made

Is nothing more than filthy rags,

Yeah, it's nothing more than filthy rags...

But I can't let go; I don't know how.

I'm a gluten-free vegan, an exercise lover,

I'm a Seventh Day Adventist and a canvasser;

I'm disciplined.

But all the discipline in the world can't grant me joy in the life You've given, 

Can't change me into the person You want me to be, 

Can't make my life worth living.

So I'm giving my life to You once more,

I'll take a deep breath and surrender again.

Start at the bottom and work to the top

Search me through, I'm inside out.

I'm looking to You, holding on to Your strength,

And I'm walking by faith not by sight,

Yes, I'll walk by faith not by sight. 

I'm letting go; You hold me now.

You're the Prince of Peace, a Promise-Keeper,

The Son of God. You gave Your life.

I'm surrendered.

Cause only full surrender will grant me joy in the life You've given,

Will change me into the person You want me to be,

Will make my life worth living.

You're living in me.